Why You Should NEVER Have a House Party

A lot is riding on being the host of a private party.

You’re essentially asking people to come in and examine every part of your life that you could feel insecure about:

  • Cooking
  • Entertaining
  • Family
  • Choice of wine
  • Decor
  • Choice of friends

It’s like a shitty version of “This Is Your Life“…

…but without Michael Aspel.

When you host a private party, it’s not enough that you have to do all the above (and many more things) REALLY well. No, you also have to do them in a way that impresses all your guests.

Hosting a private party is like being the subject of the “Truman Show” for five hours on a Saturday night.

There’s a lot of pressure on you to get it right.

When I’m booked to perform at private parties, I always chat with the host beforehand and they are ALWAYS worried…

It might be the food, the atmosphere or Uncle Dave…

…but there’s always SOMETHING.

They want their party to be perfect.

They want their guests to have an amazing time. More importantly, they want their guests to think they are a FABULOUS host.

I’m often booked by party hosts to ensure that, no matter what happens, their guests will be laughing and having a fabulous time.

(This is a discerning choice. If you’re having a party soon, you should do the same. 😉 )

If you want to host the perfect party, you have to deal with a lot of worries.

One thing you can do is remove the “Oh heck! Will my guests go rooting through my underwear drawer” worry out of the equation by hosting it somewhere else, like the back room of a restaurant.

Some of you may twitch at this.

“I like holding parties at my house. I want to invite people in. My knicker drawer is beyond exemption…now that I’ve hidden all the dirty stuff in the shed.”

That’s OK. Each to their own. For some, a party wouldn’t be the same if it was at a restaurant.

For other people though, this is a lifesaver. For these people, it helps end the vast amount of worry they have about being a party host.

People who would never host a party in their life WOULD host one in a restaurant.

There are plenty of good reasons why you should look for another venue for your party.

Here are five of them.

“Lovely poster. Is that a B&M price tag I can see?”

For some, this is the main reason they would never host a party at home. Whether real or imagined, they worry so much about what other people will think about their house. Not only does this stop them from having parties, but it also means they never have anyone round to visit.

You can cut this worry by arranging a party in a third party venue.

Of course, you still run the risk of having people judge your choice of restaurant. At least that’s more palatable than, “Janice… what the hell is going on in your kitchen? You’re running dangerously low on Saffron. Is there a Waitrose nearby???”

“I’m sorry, did you say FREE?”

Phone a restaurant saying you want to arrange a private party for 50 of your closest friends and they’ll often give you a private room for free.

That way, you’re not on public display as you sing “for she’s a jolly good fellow” to your Aunt for finally ridding herself of that rash she picked up in Magaluf.

Having your own private room feels swanky and luxurious. It feels special.

(feel free to ask if they have a velvet rope – they won’t, but it’s always worth an ask)

“You’re going to be needing a bigger mop…”

If you’ve got kids, you may already be waaaaay ahead of me on this.

Kids parties are great, but the combination of large groups of children, a worrying amount of E-numbers and high energy games make for a messy cleanup.

If you’ve never seen what this looks like, do a Google search for “What do houses look like after a hurricane?

I’ll save you the job.

Yeah, exactly.

I know that your refined gathering isn’t going to be quite as destructive as little Tommy’s 8th birthday party, but even the most elegant parties have washing up, spillages and rampaging infernos (that’ll be Uncle Dave again) to clean up after.

Booking a private room in a restaurant saves you from that task, allowing you to go home, only worrying about the mess you created before you left.

“How do you like your chicken?”

There’s another worry party hosts often have – having their cooking judged.

Having a meal in a restaurant eliminates that.

No more will you sit trembling, waiting for the words, “I must say, this veal is interesting… which branch of Lidl did you get it from?

If being judged on your culinary ability is a big worry for you, either book into a restaurant…

…or get better friends.

…and last but not least…

It’s more fun for you!

It’s your party. If there’s one person who should be having a great time, it’s YOU.

When you host a party at your own house, you’ve always got something to worry about

  • How is the salmon doing?
  • Have I enough chairs?
  • OMG! WHY ARE PEOPLE NEAR THE SHED?

At a restaurant, you can relax. It’s still your party, but you’ve delegated all the annoying stuff.

You still choose the menu, the wine and the seating arrangements.

You can still book a handsome, yet affordable magician to entertain your guests and get them laughing.

You can still do all that…

…but instead of suffering all on your own, you’re like a tyrannical leader – you get others to do the dirty work, while you sit back, take the glory and work on that evil laugh.


Hosting a party can be one of the most rewarding things you can do. It brings people together and gets them smiling, but you need to make sure it’s not the death of YOU!

I can help get your party guests laughing and having an amazing night, so they thank YOU for being an awesome host! Click here to see if I’m available to wow your guests and give them a party they’ll remember FOREVER!

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