Stop Stressing Over the Seating Plan!

Having to bump your Uncle Dave from table 2 through fear that his oversize “BNP TILL I DIE!!!” pocket square will upset Mr and Mrs Constanopolis, or shifting your alcoholic Aunt because her table is right next to the free bar is turning your remaining – unripped – hairs grey.

Unless your idea of fun is spending months, staring at endless pieces of paper with circles drawn on them, juggling family members (not literally), the seating plan at your wedding is going to be one of the most stressful parts of the wedding planning process.

(If that IS your idea of fun, you should probably buy an xBox).

If the Krypton Factor was still on TV, they’d definitely have a “Put together a wedding seating plan where everyone is happy” round.

It can be a bloody nightmare!

The more time you spend fiddling with it, the more impossible it is. It’s like a Rubik’s Cube.

(You should be grateful I opted for a Rubik Cube analogy there – it could’ve been far worse)

You spend weeks swearing at pieces of paper, trying to fit them together, like the world’s most frustrating jigsaw..

And, what’s worse, get this jigsaw wrong and you’ll be hearing about it forever.


“Bloody hell, I thought this post was going to be useful. So far, it’s made me want to ditch the wedding, become celibate and move to Workington.”

Whoa! Settle down. Before you do anything hasty, I have an idea (two, in fact).

Mind you, it can’t be as simple as just ditching the seating plan and letting the wedding guests fend for themselves, can it?

Actually, that’s exactly what I’m going to suggest. Here’s why.

There’s an ancient tradition, dating back to the 13th Century that states:


YOUR day, not theirs. You can do what you like.

If you can get married in B&Q, you can sure as heck get married without a seating plan.

Now, before you set fire to all your scraps of paper and burn your house to the ground, you might want to take on board a few ideas. This will depend on how much joy you take in watching your nearest and dearest squabble over seating (it can be a spectator sport not unlike Roman Gladiator fights – a bit of free wedding entertainment?).

You might want to give your wedding guests, and more importantly you, a helping hand by:

Reserving some tables for special guests

A “sit where you like” approach is less stressful in the planning stage but there’s still potential worry ahead.

On the day, when you enter the room and everyone is congratulating you, you don’t want to look at the top table and see your fiance’s entire rugby team straddling it (all pantless, for some reason), each holding a pitcher of beer and a funnel.

Guard against this by either:

a) Not inviting them in the first bloody place, or

b) Putting “Reserved for…” signs where appropriate and hoping that they’re not going to be too tipsy* to be able to read (a clear and bold font may help).

* “Tipsy” – a quaint English phrase that denotes a mild level of inebriation. In rugby players, this is most often evidenced by the showing of at least one buttock.

Use Banquet style tables

Let’s do some simple maths.

“Arrgghhh! Maths? You’re meant to be REDUCING my stress levels…”

Let’s say you’ve got 80 guests for the wedding breakfast. Usually, you’d need to plan 8 tables of 10 which, let’s face it, would be a bloody nightmare.

If you opted for long, banquet-style tables though, each seating about 40 guests, you’d only need two tables.

Now the choice is much simpler – table 1 or 2? You can let your guests fight to the death over who gets to sit next to your glamour model cousin, Elle.

(Note: fighting to the death, while great entertainment, is a tad permanent…and criminal. If you’re looking for an equally amusing, though slightly less punitive form of wedding entertainment, you might want to consider a magician)

If the thought of even ONE question is too daunting, remove all worry by investing in one massive table!

Seating plan stress – SOLVED!

So, there are two ways to take some of the stress out of the seating plan for your wedding.

Of course, it’s a wedding, so more stress awaits at other times of the wedding day…

One way to keep your wedding guests happy and distracted throughout your special day is by booking a master of distraction – a wedding magician who can get your guests laughing and having fun – no matter who they’re sat next to! Click here to get in touch and see how I can help YOU have a stress-free wedding!