Stoicism – The Key to a Stress-Free Wedding

Stoicism - The Key to a Stress-Free Wedding

Let’s get this straight, right from the off.

I’m not clever enough to talk about philosophy.

Having said that, I AM going to talk about philosophy…



Stoicism – the same philosophy that stopped many a Roman Emperor from being brutally slain by 89,000 of his “loyal” subjects, could also be the key to you not ripping all of your hair out on your wedding day.

Stoicism resonates with me. I like that it doesn’t use loads of flouncy words and that I don’t have to carry around a dictionary when I’m reading it.

Even so, it’s still philosophy, and, like most philosophies, can be a little bit meaty. So let’s make things easy on ourselves and start at the beginning, shall we?

Let’s look at the central principle of Stoicism. For that, I’m going to paraphrase a chap called Epictetus (I think he plays for Arsenal):

“The main task in life is this: to identify which matters are within your control, and which are not.”

Epictetus “Discourses and Selected Writings”

This appears to be the most important aspect of Stoicism – identifying what we do have influence over and what we don’t.

Why worry about something we have no control over when can’t do anything about it?

Or, if you DO have control over it, stop worrying and get to work!

When it comes to wedding planning, everything on your to-do list falls into one of these categories.


You CAN control your choice of husband, the venue and the awesome magician you choose to book.

(subtlety was never one of my strong points. I should really put it on my website at

You CAN’T control whether it will rain or not, if “she” will show up and try to ruin your day or the exact potency of the DJs B.O.

You can plan. You can prepare, but you can’t control it, so stop worrying.

If you’re stressed about your wedding, separate tasks into “CAN CONTROL” and “CAN’T CONTROL” lists.

Focus your efforts on the “CAN CONTROL” things.

It could be the difference between you having an awesome wedding day or having the day from hell!

Here’s a video of me walking on a golf course and talking about this a bit more.